


We May Be Broken But We Are Home

by RooftopRabbit91



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew Minyard Has Feelings, Angst, Bee is an angel and she deserves everything, But also that might change, But some things might be different, Canon Compliant, Consent is everything, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kevin is such a queen, Kissing, M/M, Neil is a tease, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Rating may change in later chapters, References to past truama, Sassy Neil Josten, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, These boys have so many problems, This is seriously just self indulgent fluff, but thats okay, growing together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:55:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23208862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RooftopRabbit91/pseuds/RooftopRabbit91
Summary: Neil still has nightmares. Nathan still haunts his memories and no matter how fast he goes he can't outrun him.Andrew is still considered a monster. Even his hate for a smart-mouthed junkie doesn't cover up everything. But it helps.Neil and Andrew both still have problems, and they aren't each others answers, but it doesn't stop them from trying to fix things.ORA Post-canon AU where Andrew and Neil try to move on from their pasts. And no matter how they deny it they have become dependant on one another. Just a self-indulgent Andriel fic.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	1. Midnight Mirror Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the credit for these characters goes to the lovely Nora.

Neil jerked up from his bed, hand clenching the sheet beneath his pillow where the gun always laid. He caught his next inhale halfway in his chest when he realized where he was. 

Quietly leaving the dorm room he shared with Andrew and Kevin, he made his way to the bathroom. The LED’s were too bright for his adjusting eyes. He thought of Andrew and how when they would sometimes share the bathroom in the morning and he would still partially be squinting his eyes. The little wrinkle in his nose as he brushed his teeth. How after washing out his mouth with water he would say J _unkie_ while walking away. 

Staring in the mirror Neil calmly traced his scars with his eyes. He had been working harder not to flinch anytime he would see them in his quick glances in the locker room or when getting ready for Colombia. He even had been letting Allison and Nicky take more pictures of him. _Memories_ Allison had said as she had given him a small nudge. 

Despite that, Neil still didn’t like them. It wasn’t necessarily that they reminded him of his _lovely_ time with Lola. They did, but that’s not what bothered Neil. He could deal with memories. He had a lifetime of stories that he held completely together under each and every one of his masks. Neil knew he didn’t have to do it anymore. He had his family, the foxes were there for a reason. But there were some things that could only be said on rooftops between inhales of smoke and soft and desperate kisses. 

Neil didn’t like his scars because they reminded him of Nathaniel. The scratchwork pattern in his left cheek had been inflicted on many men before him. Lola had taught him of all the ways to sever the facial nerves completely on his 11th birthday. Nathaniel was glad to have known them as he ran into an old “family friend” in Tuscany a few years later. 

Neil’s marks on his torso were different. They were his father’s marks. They weren’t perfect like the butcher’s. The butcher’s thought out punishments were never physically inflicted on Nathaniel. _This is the best way for you to learn son. You and the blade yearn for this. Now show me what you have learned._

His father’s marks were the combination of rage, resentment, and regret. The point is his torso didn’t bother him. His baggy shirts helped with that anyways. 

Neil reached down to feel the rough raised skin on his stomach, the bullet mark on the bone of his left hip. He let out the exhale from earlier, not actually, but Neil hadn’t realized he was breathing till now. It wasn’t fast paced, Neil knew how to control that most of the time anyways. His chest felt a bit hollow, throat using extra effort to swallow. Neil realized it was an emotion. 

Neil felt sad. Neil never felt sad, well at least not for himself. Self-pity is not something you can afford to have while trying to survive. This wasn’t that. He just felt sad. He was tired of being reminded of Nathaniel when he was trying to stay. When he wanted to stay. 

Neil finally looked away from his reflection when he heard a knock at the bathroom door. It was Andrew. 

“Neil.” His voice was as blunt as always but it was throaty from the hours of sleep and minimal use. Neil didn’t lock the door so Andrew took that as an invitation to come in. 

“I was just about to come out.” Neil explained. Andrew raised his eyebrow at him. 

“You’ve been in here for almost an hour.” Neil realized that this was Andrew saying that he had been waiting for him. He knew that Andrew must have woken up when he did. Any small noise would automatically remove him from sleep. 

They headed out into the main room of the dorm and before Neil could go to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee he realized there were already two cups on the coffee table by the couch. He looked over at Andrew for a second and smiled. They both sat down close enough to be in each other's space but not have to touch. 

“I didn’t realize I was in there for so long.” Neil said as if trying to explain himself. Andrew didn’t say anything but his silence meant he was listening for more. 

“It was Lola again, she just--It wasn’t any different than the last time. Her and one of Moriyama's men, the car, the lighter, her switchblade.” Neil took a sip of his coffee and pulled his knees up to his chest. Andrew turned his body more towards Neil, _I'm listening_.

“Lola used to teach Nathaniel when Nathan was busy. Her technique was his technique, at least till he learned better.” Neil grimaced. Andrew could see a glint of Nathaniel shine through in his eyes. This happened sometimes, but not always, when Neil decided to take a turn. 

“She did it exactly as she taught him.” There was a pause. “He did it exactly as she taught him.” Neil knew he didn’t have to say it all for Andrew to be able to understand. “I did it exactly as she--”

“Neil.” Andrew said this more sternly than his normal unemotional tone. He grabbed his shirt collar to pull him closer. Their faces were now only a few inches apart. Andrew’s other hand moved to the back of Neil’s neck.

He knew what Neil had done in the past didn’t really bother him. It was more than that. But he reassured him anyways. “You didn’t do those things. _Nathaniel_ did those things. And he did what was necessary.” Andrew raised his hand to trace the raised skin on Neil’s face.

“And don’t you dare feel guilty about _this.”_ Andrew pushed his thumb against his cheek. Neil’s shirt collar was still in Andrew’s hand and their faces were still close, but pulled apart enough for Andrew to touch and admire his scars. 

“I just think that things would be easier if I didn’t have them. Allison said something about her plastic surgeon and I just thought that maybe it would--”

“Yes or No?” Andrew interrupted. 

“Yes” Neil confusedly agreed. Not even a second later Andrew crashed his lips to his. His hands stayed on top of his own knees while Andrew cupped his cheeks with his hands. The kiss wasn’t desperate, like how it was on nights on the roof, when they were trying to hold each other together. This was gentle. A reminder that both of them were capable of that. That Neil was not his past and his scars were not his definition.

Andrew then separated with Neil to brush his lips against his scars and press against them. It reminded Neil of when Andrew would be the one caught in his own head. Reeling from the nightmares that looked a lot like memories. In those moments Neil was proud of his scars. His skin was a constant assurance that it was him. That Andrew could let himself let go. That he knew his permissions would be respected.

Andrew pulled back. Neil was squeezing the couch cushion below him. It was too much to ask anything in the moment. Neil just let Andrew show him that he wasn’t who he was worried he might become again.

Andrew decided Neil had been enough in his head that morning. 

“You know Kevin should be up soon.” Pointing is eyes at the clock on the table at the end of the couch. Neil didn’t realize at first but he must have woken up somewhere near 3 am. Kevin’s 5am alarm was about to go off for his morning run. Neil had been letting him come along. When he needed to run alone he would just wake up earlier. It didn’t bother him. Andrew on the other hand always had extra complaints on those days.

Andrew turned on the TV to see the Exy tapes Kevin must have fallen asleep to last night. Neil looked over at Andrew as to say _Can We?_ Andrew rolled his eyes. 

“Junkie.” he muttered.

Kevin came out not even 10 minutes later surprised to see both of them already out of the bedroom.

“Not gonna ask.” Andrew didn’t even think to give Kevin a glance. Neil watched as he stepped into the kitchen to make another pot of coffee. 

“You better not make any damn excuses about not wanting to run today, I don’t care if you're sore from the new drills. We gotta beat the Trojan’s ass on Saturday.”

“You just know that you don’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of Jean.” Neil didn’t really know what was between Jean and Kevin back in the Raven’s nest but he did know that he may be getting a few extra fouls in the next game. 

After his run with Kevin he was feeling much better. Andrew called him a rabbit but he didn’t care. He loved to run. Getting out of the shower he heard the noises of Nicky and Aaron fighting. Once he was dressed he walked over to Andrew who was sitting by the window with a cigarette.

Andrew exhaled the smoke through his nose. He offered the cigarette to Neil, but he shook his head. 

“We’re going to Colombia tonight.” Before Neil could say he was fine, especially after this morning and the run. Andrew once told him he was not Neil’s answer. He feels like it a lot sometimes. 

“We’re going to Colombia?” Nicky of course, never let anything slip by him. “Oh I have just been waiting for the next time to go. Neil you have to let Allsion cut your hair again and oh my god remember when he wore eyeliner that one time? He looked fine as hell.” 

Aaron rolled his eyes and groaned, going to sit over by Kevin. Andrew just left signaling he was driving to the court and if they wanted a ride they would get their asses to the car before he took off without them. Neil followed quickly after him. 

“I didn’t think my hair needed to get cut again.” Neil said this while he swiped his bangs from out of his eyes. 

“Tell Allison when we get there. We’ll leave after you’re done.” 

Practice was grueling. Kevin was unaffected by the groans of the team as he made them run the drill again, even after one of the freshmen vomited. Dan had to remind him that not everyone can run on the energy of an “actual crazed maniac shithead.” Andrew sat down in goal and twirled his racquet in his hands. When an argument in French ended up with Neil threatening to shove a knife in a very dark and uncomfortable place which then led Kevin to rush over to Neil fuming, Andrew decided practice was over. Dan didn’t have enough strength to disagree. 

Andrew walked over to them both.

“Enough.” He lowered his voice then to just speak to Neil. 

“Drive back with Allison, tell her to not waste my time.”

Neil raised his eyebrow at that and then leaned into Andrew’s space and quietly said:

“You just can’t wait to see my ass in those tight jeans. You _are_ the one who picked them out for me. Just saying.” Neil turned around and walked straight into the locker room. He was already gone before Andrew could mutter _I hate you._

Allison ran her hands through Neil’s newly cut hair one more time before letting him escape from her. 

“All done.” She shook out the towel in the sink as Neil admired his new look. She had shaved down the sides down pretty short but let the top be long with his natural curls. But, at least now he didn’t need to wear his neon orange headband to hold back his bangs during practice.

He decided just to get dressed right then as apparently Andrew had given Renee what he needed to wear tonight. He wasn’t wrong about the jeans. The shirt was black, slim fitting and almost sheer but not enough to make him feel exposed. The lighting at Eden’s was always terrible anyways. 

“Allison, could you do that thing that you did last time, you know.” He pointed to his eyes. Neil just couldn’t resist. 

When Allison moved on to his second lid he heard someone come into the dorm. He couldn’t see who it was because Allison closed the door when she decided to use the blow dryer. 

“Andrew’s here!” Renee yelled, telling them they need to hurry the hell up. 

“And wala! I’m all done here, go get him tiger.” Allison smiled at him and then began cleaning up the tornado of a mess she had made getting him ready. 

Neil exited the bathroom and saw Andrew leaning against the breakfast bar playing with one of those fidget cubes. He must have found it on the counter. Immediately after hearing his footsteps he stood up and walked closer to Neil. 

He felt rooted to the spot. Andrew didn’t stare at Neil like _that_ very often, but every time he did, it ignited a fire in his stomach. To anyone else they wouldn’t see past his usual blank expression. But, Neil saw the waver in his lip he wanted to bite, the subtle swallow and prominence of his adam’s apple. The sheen of desire in his eyes. 

“Staring.” Neil broke the silence and tension in the air. 

“They must all be waiting, that took a bit longer than I thought.” Neil had walked past Andrew and out the door. Andrew’s loud footsteps quickly followed with a door slam to follow. Just as he was about to continue walking down the hallway a tug at his shirt sleeve guided him up against the wall.

“Yes or No, Neil?” Andrew seemed almost to be holding his breath.

With a proud smile he let out a confident, “Yes.”

One of Andrew’s hands automatically went to the back of his neck to pull him in for the kiss. While the other hand wound his hand in the bottom of his shirt which was a sign of his urgency. Neil slowly lifted his hands as if waiting to have Andrew tell him to stop. He didn’t.

Andrew’s hair was very soft. It wasn’t rough from hair dye or easily knotted by curls. It was perfect. He knew not to pull so he just held on. Sometimes Andrew’s mouth just made him feel lost. The dominating and urgent pace, a sign of desperation calming slowly into something that could almost call gentle. It was maddening. 

At one point the need for air became too much and Neil knew where it was again. They looked at each other for a moment, their chests slowing at the same speed. Andrew huffed and walked away.

“Junkie.” Neil smirked, because yeah, he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So........
> 
> Hopefully, you liked it. I just got a sudden inspiration when writing my essay and absolutely NEEDED to write about these two boys. I already have written more but I want to see what you guys think before writing too much... 
> 
> Now that everything is getting canceled because the world is ending XXDD... I will have more time to write, so yeah let me know!
> 
> Please leave a comment and tell me what you think, I don't have much experience writing in this fandom yet.


	2. Trying Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night in Colombia. Neil has an idea. Andrew shows him just how much he doesn't like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again credit goes to Nora. I am just a grimy wannabe who is obsessed with these boys XXDD <333.

No one exactly thought Andrew had a death wish. But, the way he drove sometimes proved otherwise. 

Neil was unfazed by it if anything he enjoyed it. Well, maybe he enjoyed it just because Andrew does but that doesn’t matter.

“Andrew oh my, oh my god, please I have so much I want to do in life.” Nicky was being overdramatic and annoying. Andrew tapped the accelerator even more just to do the opposite. Aaron rolled his eyes and looked straight back out the window. Kevin just knew better than to say anything. 

When they pulled up into the parking spot Andrew was the first out of the car and walking into Sweeties. 

Neil slid into the booth next to Andrew as the other three squished together on the other side. The waitress was already headed over to them. 

“What can I get you lovelies?” She had a bit of southern twang in her voice. 

Andrew mumbled his usual ice cream but also ordered Neil a mint sundae. Neil raised his eyebrow at him and Andrew just shrugged. They both knew Neil would have one bite and then shove the rest toward Andrew. 

“Can we get going now, I’m getting kind of anxious to see all those hotties at Eden’s.” Nicky put his hands together in his plea. Aaron scoffed.

“Nice to see how ‘serious’ you and Erik are.” Aaron sneered. Nicky put his hand on his chest feigning hurt.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t look. I tell him all about them later anyways.” Nicky raised his eyebrows up and down.

“Stop that. I don’t need to know all your gay shit.” He pushed Nicky away from him into Kevin, who looked offended and pushed himself right back into Nicky. They were literal children.

“We’re leaving.” And with that Neil followed Andrew out as the other three rushed to scavenge enough money out of all their pockets to cover the barely nine dollar bill. 

When they arrived at Eden’s they all took part in the normal routine. Nicky had a few choice words and arm grazes with the bouncer, Aaron bit his tongue, and once they all got in Neil and Andrew went to Roland to have him start making their first tray. Neil took it back to the table. Aaron and Nicky did a few shots and went off to the dance floor. Kevin drank his bottle of vodka, at a most likely dangerous speed, and got comfortable on the couch. All while Andrew nursed one glass of some hard alcohol. Tonight it looked like whiskey. And Neil had his soda. Things were fine. Everything was just like it always was. That was until…

“What was that?” Andrew knew he had been thinking about something because Neil would have jolted if he hadn’t got so good at hiding those kinds of reactions. “Neil.” 

Neil looked over at Andrew. He was there now. 

“What was that sparkle in your eye? You're thinking about something.” Andrew knew that sparkle. Good things never came from that sparkle. He tended to feel lots of hate from the actions that resulted from that sparkle.

Neil seemed to go over it in his head. Andrew had asked, he would answer. But, figuring out how to actually say it was another. He looked at the dance floor and then back to Andrew. 

“I want to dance.” Neil took a sip of his soda and his eyes drifted to Andrew’s slight squeeze on his own drink. Andrew’s lip twitched, Neil almost missed it. 

“Then dance.” Neil looked surprised and Andrew finished his drink. “Or don’t, do what you want, you sure as hell don’t need any permission from me.” Neil knew he didn’t. But things weren’t as simple as that, and Andrew knew that. 

“I--I wouldn’t want to dance totally sober, that would be no fun.” Neil twirled his straw around his drink. The damn junkie was almost pouting. “That means I would have to drink, and I mean it’s not that I can’t or don’t want to but--”

Andrew got up and went down over to the bar. When he realized Neil hadn’t followed he turned around and looked back to him. The idiot figured it out and started to come over. 

“Another soda, Neil?” Roland came over as soon as he saw both of them. They were probably his favorite customers. Andrew answered him. 

“Another tray.” 

“And an extra 2 tequila shots.” Neil gently added. 

“Well aren’t Aaron and Nicky lucky.” Roland started making the order.

“They’re for him,” Andrew said as he looked around him uninterested.

“Oh my god, you finally are going to drink huh my darl--Neil.” Andrew’s eyes were ice. Roland remembered last time he called Neil a nickname with a slight shudder.

When they arrived back at the table Nicky lit up at the thought of more alcohol. Kevin groaned and basically passed out at this point. Good thing Andrew decided he had enough. Neil set the tray down and picked up a shot. Nicky gasped. 

“Neil, are you really!” He looked up at Andrew. Andrew ignored it and sat down bringing his attention to Neil. Took a sip of his own before eyeing the shot glass in Neil’s hand. And before he could rethink it he gulped down both shots without reaction.Just because he didn’t usually drink, it didn’t make him a lightweight. Before anymore knowing looks could be exchanged between the two dramatic idiots Nicky had already dragged him down onto the dancefloor. 

It was loud. The base thrummed so loud Neil felt it in his veins. His eyes kept dilating trying to get used to the strobing flashes. There were so many people, subtle touches while making their way through the crowd. Neil decided to let go. The alcohol started to make him feel more and dissipate the tension he was holding. 

Neil started to move, let his body move to the thrum of his own heartbeat. He was so caught up he didn’t even have time to process that Aaron was a few feet away from him and seemed to actually be good at dancing. Nicky stayed close to Neil but let him feel everything on his own. 

Neil started to sweat but it made him only want to keep going. As the music changed, so did the movement of his hips. As he looked up above the crowd he saw Andrew’s piercing gaze. Except for this time it was clouded with something different. He wasn’t close enough to see exactly what it was. But Neil could guess. Neil only saw that look in the small moments of control Andrew lost, and Andrew doesn’t lose control. Neil smiled. He also started to feel a bit cocky.

Neil felt a presence behind him. It wasn’t Nicky, and Aaron wouldn’t ever dare to do something that bold. Even _if_ the idea of dancing with him didn’t absolutely send a cringe down the twin’s back. Normally Neil would have already turned around and shoved whoever it was away. He never was interested. But this time with the thrumming heat of the alcohol inside him and the tingling on his skin from Andrew’s gaze, he pushed in closer.

Neil swayed his hips in the same rhythm as the guy behind him. He never even looked back to see what the guy looked like. This isn't about him. It was about Andrew and the exact way his whole demeanor changed sitting across the room. If Andrew was tracking Neil with eyes before now he was drilling into him. His whole body looked tense, the exact opposite of Neil’s flowing body on the dance floor. His one hand squeezed his glass while the other held onto the chair beneath him. He kept working his jaw and biting down from the tension.

The song changed to something a bit slower, giving Neil a chance to catch his breath, although it wasn’t really the dancing that did that. This song was sensual and the man behind him was starting to get more and more handsy. Neil was about to push him away but then he heard a yell of protest and felt the yank of the man out of his space. As he fully turned around he was met face to face with Andrew. Neil felt like the strobe lights on the dance floor made the anger in his eyes seem to sparkle. Neil smiled. 

Andrew took a hold of his wrist, right where the skin was exposed at the bottom of where his armbands ended. Neil found himself almost shoved against the wall at the edge of the dancefloor, almost going deaf due to one of the speakers being right there. Andrew was hovering over Neil but still not touching him. 

“Is something wrong?” Neil couldn’t help himself. The way he was looking at Andrew made it very clear of his previous intentions. Andrew was not having it. Andrew leaned it so close that their lips were whispers from touching, the anger in eyes that Neil was realizing was more than that, had his pupils fully dilated. With a break taking exhale Neil whispered a yes, barely hearing it leave his lips Andrew was pulling them onto his own. 

This kiss was not gentle, it was barely a kiss. It was a violent attack, one person consuming the other whole. Both of Andrew’s hands were pulling Neil in while Neil was holding on for dear life at the bottom of Andrew’s shirt. Andrew expressed himself with lip bits and his thumbs digging into both of Neil’s pulse points. Neil felt overwhelmed and the warm feeling he was feeling before turned into a raging heat. 

Neil was still surprised sometimes just how Andrew made him feel. Especially in times like this where they both let themselves give in to that ever building lust. Andrew pulled away and started to leave kisses down his neck, moving an arm to circle around his waist. If Neil didn’t usually swing, now he was doing circles around the top bar. 

When the harsh sound of a microphone hit radiated out of the speaker right next to them, they pulled away. At least enough to look around them. It was the last call at the bar, or so the interrupting DJ announced. They had stayed late. Usually, Andrew had rounded everyone up and forced them to get home before Kevin began to sob into his bottle of vodka. It seems tonight he had become a little sidetracked. 

“I will go get Nicky and Aaron, they should be around here somewhere.” Neil eyed the crowd around them trying to calm down his breath and regain some shred of composure. Andrew looked almost normal in the dim lighting. His neck was blushed and his lips were a bit swollen and raw. 

“Five minutes.” He gruffed out as a reply. Neil nodded and began to walk away but looked over his shoulder to grin. Andrew raised his eyebrow as if to ask _What?_ Neil shook his head, scoffed, and went to grab the others. _He knew what_. 

By the time they were all in the car, it was well past the five-minute mark Andrew had made. Kevin had fallen asleep at their table and would refuse to walk. Nicky had been sprawled up against the bar flirting with Roland while Aaron was, well Aaron was out at the car when they all made it back dragging Kevin along with them. 

Kevin, probably understanding the limits he was already pressing, didn’t make any complaints about making it to the couch by himself. Not having the time to drop their stuff off earlier, those able to keep themselves vertical, carried the bags inside. 

They hadn’t been able to come to Colombia for a while. So even though that last handful of times Neil went to sleep with Andrew in his bed, he didn’t want to make any assumptions. But, when Andrew plopped his bag alongside his own on the floor next to the bed, Neil felt relieved. 

And it wasn’t because it seemed they both had some unfinished business Neil would very much like to continue. It was the closeness of sleeping alongside Andrew that excited him. Seeing the child-like face that he had in the rays of the morning sun. Being on the same side of the locked door. It was something Neil saw as a privilege. It was another way of showing what Neil meant to Andrew without having to say it. Sometimes those things just weren’t able to be said. 

Also, it was the fact that they didn’t do it often. Back at the dorms, their bunk beds didn’t really scream personal space. Even after any after practice or late night activities they found themselves enjoying, they went back to their respective bunks. In the middle of the night, they would shift which often led to violent wakeups. Andrew closed his mind off to it after the third bruise he left on Neil’s body. He wasn’t sorry about it, but the constant reminder of his own uncontrollable reflex must have become enough. They would have to work on it at some point. Bee had pointed it out during one of his recent sessions and he hadn’t disagreed. But not yet. There was no need to rush. They had time.

Neil waited for Andrew to come back from the bathroom so he could also get ready for bed. When Andrew came back he was dressed in a black shirt and a pair of sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Neil also noticed that they dragged on the floor because they were just a bit too long for his legs. His armbands were still on. But as Andrew went to his side of the bed and began to take them off, Neil made his way out into the hall towards the bathroom with his bag. 

As Neil made his way inside he caught his reflection in the mirror. The smudged eyeliner he was still wearing and the lasting warmth from the alcohol earlier, made Neil raise his chin higher. Not tonight. Tonight he had fun, tonight he was _Neil_. His memories could wait. 

After brushing his teeth, washed some of the dried sweat off his skin and got dressed into his clean clothes, he made his way back into the room. He closed the door but made sure not to lock it. Andrew liked to do it when he got up to turn off the light. 

Neil looked up to see Andrew sprawled out on his stomach on the bed playing with the fidget cube from earlier. For some reason, it was very amusing to Neil. 

“So that’s new.” Andrew looked up at him unimpressed. Neil went over to the bed and sat criss-cross in front of him. Resting his head in one of his palms. 

“I found it.” Andrew kept pushing down on the button on top but was no longer looking at his toy. Neil’s lips stretched up into a grin.

“Where? The lost and found?” Andrew sat up and set it down on the table next to his side. 

“At Bee’s.” He shut off the lights and locked the door. 

“So what? It was in her office and you just took it?” Neil was enjoying this too much. 

“She gave it to me.” Andrew ran a hand over his face standing at the foot of the bed. “It--It, I don’t like waiting. And with you stealing all my cigarettes I need something else unless I want to buy a new pack every five seconds.” 

Andrew pulled the blanket back and crawled beneath them which led Neil to do the same thing. Neil turned on his side facing Andrew. He didn’t expect anything other than going straight to bed. It was late. But across the bed in the dark Neil swore he saw that rare look in Andrew’s eyes again. Any idea of sleep was gone. Neil felt he might have to get used to that look. But he didn’t hope for things. 

Andrew moved closer to Neil leaving them to stare at each other at the center of the bed, both laying on their side. They breathed in each other's air as the tension between them builded all around them. The sounds of their breaths being the only sound. 

Andrew raised his hand to trace Neil’s features. Neil’s eyes shuttered close as a stuttered breath escaped his chest. Andrew outlined his lips at first, moving them apart with his index finger. They were chapped but under Andrew’s touch, they felt so soft.

He quickly moved over to his scars adding more pressure. When Neil opened his eyes, pure desire was evident in his blown pupils. But he knew not to do or say anything. He didn’t want to scare Andrew away from his own gentleness. Neil swallowed and exposed his neck as a hand started tracing his jugular. He moved on to his back as Andrew shuffled to hover above him. 

He then wrapped his hand around Neil’s throat. It wasn’t harsh, but it showed he was done being soft. 

“Yes or no?” If he didn’t know any better Neil would say Andrew almost sounded out of breath. His chest breathed in. The answer came before he could let out any air.

“Yes.” And Andrew’s lips were on his. 

Andrew’s kiss was like a demand. Demanding for more. Demanding for things Neil didn’t think that he was even able to give. Andrew pulled his bottom lip between his own, almost biting him in hazy frustration. Neil couldn’t think. Any thoughts other than the feel of Andrew on him, the electricity from the centimeter of space between their bodies. From the press of Andrew’s lips on his own.

As Andrew started moving down to brush over Neil’s jaw and neck, he led his hands down to Neil’s. He guided them up to his shoulders and Neil took that as his permission. Immediately brushing over his taut muscles and up into his hair. Grabbing on but making sure not to pull. Andrew began biting at the spot right beneath his ear and Neil let out a shudder. It hurt but Neil didn’t mind. This was pain of his choosing. Pain that he wanted.

Andrew suddenly moved away and looked straight into Neil’s eyes.

“Take off your shirt.” Neil didn’t need to be asked twice. As Neil went to throw his arms right back around Andrew he shook his head. Neil nodded and put his arms down. Andrew scoffed. But before Neil could even raise an eyebrow Andrew was taking his off too. 

“Above the waist.” Neil smiled like the absolute junkie idiot he was. Andrew was a sight to see, and when Neil did get to see him like this, and not just in the locker room, he felt things. Things he never had felt before in all his lives on the road. Andrew wasn’t lean like Neil. He had wide shoulders and toned muscles. His skin was smooth, pale, and untainted. Unlike Neil, he was a clean slate. At least until you looked upon his forearms. But Neil only looked at those with warmth. Only he had the privilege to see them because he understood. 

This much of Andrew was a lot for Neil. He never has had this much off before, at least without his armbands. The sudden vulnerability of it all is what shook him. 

Andrew seemed to have enough of being stared at and restarted his path at Neil’s collarbone. Neil slowly started dragging his fingers up and down Andrew’s back. Neil whined and Andrew moved back up to smother it with another kiss. Neil moved his hands around from the back of Andrew’s chest to the front. Dragging his hands across the top of his chest down to his abs. Andrew grabbed onto Neil’s hips and drew in a quick breath. Neil leaned up and started kissing Andrew’s neck mirroring Andrew and wrapping his own hands around his waist rubbing his thumbs on the soft skin. 

All of sudden Andrew stilled. He pulled his hands off Neil and started to pull away. Neil immediately let go and moved back. It took Andrew less than a second to move out of the bed to sit on it’s edge. Andrew leaned over, arms on knees, and pulling at his hair. Neil scooched up to the headboard and wrapped his arms around himself.

They sat there for a minute, or maybe ten before Andrew went over to the side of the bed, picked up his shirt and armbands from the nightstand, and put them on, visibly tense. He also grabbed his phone and their cigarettes and shoved them in his pocket. Neil started to say something as he began heading for the door.

“I can sleep somewhere else. Okay? Andrew I’ll go sleep on the couch.” Andrew didn’t turn around. 

“Go to sleep, Neil.”

“No it’s okay really I’ll leave.” He began to move out of the bed, somehow already back in his shirt from earlier. Andrew turned his head and looked right at Neil. 

“No Neil, go to sleep.” And he left and shut the door behind him. 

Maybe it was because of how suddenly defeated Andrew looked or the memory of how he felt just from a few moments before, but he stayed. 

Sleep didn’t come for a while and Neil didn’t mind. His thoughts were more important at that moment. His worries were too strong. 

_Was it not okay? Did I just assume? Didn’t he say yes? Was it just a memory? Why hasn’t he come back yet? He will come back when he needs to. He needs space. Why didn’t he just ask me to leave?_ The thoughts spun and spun in his head until he began to drift off. Fully falling under as the same four words repeated over and over. _Go to sleep, Neil._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took me a little longer than expected....but this is my favorite chapter so far so I really hope you guys like it!!  
> Let me know how your feeling about this it's pretty self-indulgent but I want to make sure you all are enjoying it. The next chapter should be up in maybe a little over a week. We'll see XDD


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